Dan Rodandan: All right, is it going, did you hit play? Everyone, welcome to Dan ro dan dan Acting Coach. Hello everybody, this is Dan Ro Dan Dan your favorite host with the most... notice I didn't say host with the mostest. Though I did cross my mind, it's not a joke I like to make because it's been done before. And I like to—when I tread the boards, even the boards with a microphone, I like to break new ground. Like Jacques Cousteau, famous explorer... oceanographer... man of the sea. And I am a man of the sea now because I live only 45 minutes from the beach. The beach of the Pacific Ocean. The Pacific Ocean that uh runs along the border of California, containing Hollywood. My dreamland. The dreamland for many aspiring actors, aspiring acting coaches, fledglings, birds... many tropical birds come here in the Pacific. And I'd like to introduce a friend of mine who shares his name with one of the most tropical birds. My friend... Christopher Teeth: Hi, I'm Christopher Teeth. Dan Rodandan: Christopher Teeth. A good friend of mine that I just met today. Uh, we were at the bookstore, I was... Christopher Teeth: Barnes and Noble, yeah. Dan Rodandan: Yeah, the Barnes and Noble bookstore. I was there using the Wi-Fi to check my email, and I noticed that he was looking at uh Uta Hagen's Respect for Acting. And as somebody who respects actors—well, I am an actor, so I respect myself. I protect myself with a condom during consensual safe sex, and on stage, I respect myself as a performer, as a coach, as a partner... there's the callback... and as a friend. So, this is my friend... what was your name again? Christopher Teeth: Christopher Teeth. Mr. Teeth, yes. Dan Rodandan: Is that T-E-E-T-H? Christopher Teeth: That's correct, yeah. Dan Rodandan: Oh, because I... Christopher Teeth: Just like... just like hey, look at your teeth there, yeah. Dan Rodandan: Up until now, I was under the impression that it was Christopher T-E-E-F. Christopher Teeth: Oh, Teef. Teef. Oh, no. Dan Rodandan: Like motif. Christopher Teeth: Oh, right, right, right, no, teeth. I know it's like when you're doing voiceover work you gotta like you know like over enunciate your words and stuff like that which is really hard, so it's teeth. Dan Rodandan: Who told you that? Christopher Teeth: Uta Hagen. Dan Rodandan: That when you... Uta Hagen wrote in her book that when you are doing voiceover work you have to over enunciate your consonants and vowels? Christopher Teeth: Respect for Acting. That was what that book was all about. Respect for acting and consonants and the vowels and words because acting is just a bunch of words that go out of your mouth and... and that's why I'm here to learn. Dan Rodandan: Right. So today I will be playing the role of acting coach for young Christopher Teeth and uh, we are going to be doing a little scene work together. He has agreed to come to my apartment in the beautiful Hawaiian Gardens. It's a much better name than it is an area because uh, there was a murder on my street last night, I heard it. I heard the gunshot. But I can't tell police that 'cause my neighbors were looking at me when they came by and uh, if you get involved... snitches get... well it's worse than stitches... uh they get left in ditches. So, we are going to be doing a scene from the uh Ridley Scott classic. Tony Scott, his brother, recently killed himself. Jumped off of a bridge, not not far from here. Uh and from what I understand he didn't do it because he was sad, he did it because he had terminal brain cancer and didn't want to live with it. Which uh frankly I don't have terminal brain cancer but I've seen the appeal several times of jumping face first off of a bridge into freezing shark infested water because it would end a sort of pain which, as you know as a fellow actor, there is no end in sight. Christopher Teeth: Is this Gladiator? Is this the monologue in Gladiator? Dan Rodandan: Yes, we are going to be doing the uh the short monologue in Gladiator uh when Maximus talks to Commodus, the leader of Rome, the harelipped leader of Rome... uh... played by Johnny Cash, from I Walk the Line, Joaquin Phoenix, the brother of the ever more talented River Phoenix, who killed himself with alcohol. A sort of a theme. Uh, we performers we die. We brilliant men of of of the stage and screen, we kill ourselves. So we can both look forward to that. Christopher Teeth: Can I take a look at the script? Dan Rodandan: Sure, here it is. Uh, I will be playing Commodus. You're Commodus and I'm I'm Maximus. (Correcting himself) Here, I will be playing Commodus and you're Maximus. Christopher Teeth: What uh... this script has a bunch of tabs and spaces uh, where does the dialogue start? Dan Rodandan: Well I sort of printed it off of IMDb and they sort of have their own format, whereas I I will be Commodus and I will say this... Christopher Teeth: So should I just say everything in capital letters? Dan Rodandan: Yeah, everything except your name. And uh, I will read Commodus's lines and I will also read the stage directions as your acting coach. Christopher Teeth: So I should not say my name that's in caps? Dan Rodandan: For Christ's sake, no, Christopher, you should just say your lines. Christopher Teeth: Okay. Well it's hard, well the formatting is really just weird, I've never seen it... Dan Rodandan: Honestly, if you can't get past formatting, what are you gonna do? Christopher Teeth: Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Okay. You ready to go? Dan Rodandan: Let's do it. All right, starting at the start. First let's let's do a quick vocal warm up. Christopher Teeth: Okay. Dan Rodandan: Buh buh buh buh buh buh buh buh... Christopher Teeth: Buh buh buh buh buh buh buh buh... Dan Rodandan: Vuh vuh vuh vuh vuh vuh vuh... Christopher Teeth: Vuh vuh vuh vuh vuh vuh vuh... Dan Rodandan: Puh puh puh puh puh puh... Christopher Teeth: Puh puh puh puh puh puh... Dan Rodandan: Puh. Puh. P. U. Puh puh. Christopher Teeth: P. U. Puh. Dan Rodandan: I'm a mother pheasant plucker. Christopher Teeth: I'm a mother... you just spit all over the microphone. Dan Rodandan: I'm a mother pheasant plucker. This is my microphone, I can spit where I like. I have an acting coach. When you spit, you act. As was... Christopher Teeth: So I should spit a little bit? Dan Rodandan: Please do. Spit a little, talk a little, spit a little, talk a little, spit a little, pick a little, pick a little, talk a little, pick a little, pick a little, sycamore. Christopher Teeth: That was pretty good. Dan Rodandan: All right, moving on. Now that our throats are supple and golden as honey, we can go ahead and work through this dialogue here. As Commodus, I will begin. Slave! Who are you? Maximus can hold it no longer, he spins to Commodus, ripping off his helmet mask, and thundering... Christopher Teeth: (Shouting) MAXIMUS! I AM MAXIMUS DECIMUS... Dan Rodandan: Hold on, hold on a second. Alright, so... you're shouting. Christopher Teeth: It's in caps. Dan Rodandan: Just because it's in caps doesn't mean... let me tell you this. The writer does not dictate the actor's performance, the actor does. So take a risk, huh? What, are you gonna shout all your lines just 'cause they're in caps? Christopher Teeth: So I shouldn't shout? Dan Rodandan: Well, but the guy before me says 'Slave, who are you?' and there's like exclamation points... Christopher Teeth: And did you hear how I said it? Dan Rodandan: Yeah. I didn't shout. I communicated with you the way an actor communicates with a fellow actor. Christopher Teeth: Okay, let's let's do it again. Dan Rodandan: Commodus. Okay. Slave! Who are you? Maximus can hold it no longer, he spins to Commodus, ripping off his helmet mask, and thundering... Christopher Teeth: Maximus, I am Maximus Meridius, general of the Felix Legions and the Roman Empire! Servant to the true Emperor Marcus Aurelius... Dan Rodandan: Spit, ass, Aurelius. Commodus's eyes shoot wide. Lucilla bolts up. Gracchus leans forward, Proximo is stunned. The crowd is mystified. Christopher Teeth: Maximus! I am your father to a murdered son!... Dan Rodandan: Wait. Is that 'I am your father'? This is not Star Wars. This is Gladiator. I am father to a murdered son, and husband—not your husband—to a murdered wife, and—not your landlord—to a murdered world. Christopher Teeth: Well, there's all these spaces in between the words, I thought it was like a Mad Libs or something, like you... well why is there a space there? Dan Rodandan: Look. I'm not here to hold your hand. I'm not here to take you through what acting is. I'm just... okay. I'm just, I'm just failing. You want me to finish your sentences for you? I can't act for you. You have to do it on your own. And if you keep complaining, you know what's gonna happen, right? Right? Christopher Teeth: Um, I'm gonna go... Dan Rodandan: The only way you're gonna get parts is by blowing casting directors. And if you're not careful, I'm gonna train you how to do that. So we're gonna go ahead... Maximus. I am father to a murdered son, and husband to a murdered wife, and... landlord to a murdered world... and... I will have vengeance. That's where it ends. Christopher Teeth: It's pretty good. Dan Rodandan: You see what happened there? Did you feel something? Christopher Teeth: I, I felt a little frightened. Dan Rodandan: Did you feel it move? Christopher Teeth: My heart? Dan Rodandan: No, come on, don't toy with me. Look me in the eye. Don't look at the paper, look in the eye. Look me in the eye. Will you look me in the eye? I'll put it on your waist, if you're not careful. Look me in the eye. Did you feel it move? Christopher Teeth: I don't know what you mean by that. Dan Rodandan: You shut up and you look me in the eye. Hand on your waist, hand on your shoulder. Christopher Teeth: I'm really uncomfortable right now. Dan Rodandan: If you're not careful, I am going to kiss your neck. Did you feel it move? Christopher Teeth: Yes. Yes it moved. Should we do another... do you have any more advice for... should I read it again? Dan Rodandan: First of all, thank you, great job. Thank you. Now, Q&A. What questions do you have for the salty old pro? Christopher Teeth: I just, I really don't know why there's all these spaces in the script. You see, why are my lines capitalized if I'm not supposed to be yelling them? Dan Rodandan: You are really hung up on this whole formatting issue. The least important thing that an actor will do is read. The most important thing an actor will do is... make it move. If you have it... make it move. Christopher Teeth: Okay, I guess... So I have a question for you. Dan Rodandan: Okay. As an actor. Hand on your heart, put your hand on my heart. Christopher Teeth: I don't know about that... Dan Rodandan: Put your hand on my heart. I really... Put your hand on my heart. Christopher Teeth: Is it right here? Dan Rodandan: Yeah, it's right about there. Do you feel the beat? Christopher Teeth: No. Dan Rodandan: Alright, put it a little lower. Do you feel the beat? Christopher Teeth: Ew. Dan Rodandan: Do you feel the beat? Christopher Teeth: Yes. Dan Rodandan: Alright. We're gonna stand here with our hearts beating, with our hands on each other's hearts, until they sync up. And then you'll know what it is to be acting. Christopher Teeth: I feel really weird right now. Dan Rodandan: It's good, that's called acting. Breathe with me. In. Out. In. Out. In. Christopher Teeth: I don't like this. Dan Rodandan: Shut your fucking mouth. I have a gun in this room. And we are gonna do what I say, because I am the boss. You are the pony, I am the rider. We're gonna play a quick game of polo. Do you understand? Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Hold it. Christopher Teeth: I really don't want to... Dan Rodandan: Alright let's take it again, from the top. I will be Commodus, you will be Maximus. Slave! Who are you? Maximus can no longer hold it in, he spins around to Commodus, ripping off his helmet mask and thundering... Christopher Teeth: (Breaking) I feel really weird, I really don't want to do this anymore. I'm gonna actually... I'm gonna show you how it's done, okay? This time you be Commodus, I'll be Maximus. Commodus says... Slave! Who are you? Maximus can hold it in no longer, he spins to Commodus, ripping off his helmet mask and thundering... I am Maximus Meridius, general of the Felix Legions and the Roman army! Servant to the emperor Marcus Aurelius. Commodus's eyes shoot wide. Lucilla bolts up. Gracchus leans forward, Proximo is stunned. The crowd is mystified. I am father of a murdered son, and husband to a murdered wife, and landlord to a murdered world. And I will have my vengeance. As a Roman, as a man of the people, as the people's champion... Let's have some violence. And then we stab each other, and we die, and we cry, and we talk about it, and... Dan Rodandan: Alright. Now uh... Is it just me or do you feel like you've overstayed your welcome? I'm gonna give you to the count of nine before the gun comes out. Eight. We didn't even have to start counting. (Sounds of Christopher leaving) Thank you very much ladies and gentlemen, this has been da da da, learn how to act with Dan Ro Dan Dan, teach you how to act and teach you how to get parts. That was a scene from the Ridley Scott classic, Gladiator. And he was glad... to get the part... because he wanted an Oscar. And uh... I don't know if any of you guys saw Prometheus. I've never cried so much in my life. I'm so sad. I just invited a young man into my home, and uh... to be honest I was jealous of his talent, I was jealous of the fact that he he would go to a bookstore to read... Christopher Teeth: (Faintly in the background) I forgot my phone, sorry. Dan Rodandan: (Alone again) Wow I just I feel really cut off at the knees right now, just being vulnerable with my... with my audience, and he comes right back in here, I'm not holding my gun. I'm naked from the waist down with a cotton ball up my ass and sniffing a can of gasoline. I got to feel powerful for about two or three minutes and now I just... feel like jumping off a bridge. Maybe I'll just go back to being an... middle school, high school administrator, but... how do you give up on a dream? You gotta face yourself at night after you go to sleep, right? I mean... that's just you there. It's just you and... you and your dream... and nobody else. And then you have to come to terms with the fact that it will never be anyone else. And you look at your friends and your family as commodities and none of them are very valuable and... (Loud pounding) Police! Open up! All right, he...