{
  "language": "en-us",
  "text": "**Dan Rodandan:** Dan Rodandan, Dan, din din, Dan, din, Dan. Dan Rodandan, din, dinner bells, diner, the dinner bell. Welcome to the dinner show, the Dan Rodandan show. Just kidding, everybody. I'm Dan Rodandan, and of course, teaching actors how to act. This is not a cooking show. This is not an eating show. I have not eaten in a couple days.\n\nBut I would like to talk to you today about what it means to call yourself an actor. When are you ready to call yourself an actor? When are you a real man, a man of the boards, walking the boards? When are you a man who's ready to take on any role? When are you ready to do whatever you need to do to get the part? Whether it's committing to a character or committing a crime or committing a sexual act that you don't, you probably wouldn't, not if it was your choice kind of a thing, but what does it take to be an actor in Los Angeles?\n\nIt takes heart, it takes a dream, it takes a skill level, it takes classes. You gotta take a lot of classes, probably with me. If you're around the Hawaiian Gardens area, please sign up. You can sign up by calling 917-214-8DAN, 917-214-8DAN. You can say, hey, Dan, this is, I'll just make up a name. This is Ray Romano, and I want to learn how to do some acting. So this is my schedule, x dot dot dash this or that. And are you free at that time on this or that? And we can meet either at your place or somewhere in between your place and my place. Or if you want to give me a ride, we can meet like at a restaurant if you're paying, or we can, anyway, we can get into the meat of it.\n\nWe can talk about acting. We can talk about singing. We can talk about dancing, fight choreography, gymnastics, and really anything that's on your mind. We can talk about theater or film, or we can talk about your Thanksgiving, if you want.\n\nWe've seen a lot of surfers, or at least a lot of guys carrying surfboards. I don't know if they actually do the surfing or just carry the board. I was thinking I might get my own surfboard or steal one of theirs, walk around Venice Beach, see if I can, see if I can find some nice young surfer girls. Surfer... I mean that's a Beach Boys song I think. Beach Boys are very influential on the Beatles, who had a huge influence on the Monkees, who had a lot of hits. Uh uh uh uh New Kids on the Block had a lot of hits. Chinese food makes me sick. It's a, it's a song lyric from the mid-90s I remember hearing on a bus. This little kid had a boom box and he was playing a little bit too loud. Bet you that kid has hearing problems now. But he played that song probably 19, 20 times in a row just giggling to himself. He's playing a Game Boy I think it was Dr. Mario, which, uh, been a, been a few months since I've been to the doctor. Would probably be a good idea at this point. I have a rash developing. I don't know if it's a rash, but I have a growth developing on the underside of one of my toenails, and it's very uncomfortable to walk around. A lot of people are limping in my neighborhood, I've noticed. A lot of people are limping for different reasons, possibly, that I am, whether it's wounds or diabetes or what have you. But if anybody knows where I can get a cheap or a free wheelchair, please, uh, please call that number. That number again is 917-214-8DAD. And, uh, I guess that's what it takes to be an actor.\n\nWe're gonna take some phone calls now. Taking calls. I got some phone calls. I got the calls. Here are the answers to the calls. C-c-calls, calls, collie calls. Collies are kinds of dogs. Lassie was a dog and an actor and a collie. That's good enough, I think. First call. How are you? What's it like to be you? You can't answer me, but first call.\n\n[voicemail beep]\n\n**Nancy:** Oh, hi, Dan. My name is Nancy. And, well, I'll be honest. My question isn't really an acting question. But I have listened to your broadcast. And I feel like you're very wise and that you speak from your heart. And I just felt moved to see, get your advice on something. But just to play ball, I'll pose it as some theater questions. Here we go.\n\nDan, my name is Nancy. I am in a play about a woman who lives in an apartment and there are these kids who, you know, live in her apartment, you know, block, who play outside of her apartment. And, well, she hears these kids all the time, which is fine. But one of these little kids is a bully. I hear him say the most terrible things to these other little children, and then I start thinking terrible things about this one child, and I just feel awful about it. And I feel like, as the adult woman, the responsible party, that I should be able, you know, to do something about it. You know, I saw that there's that documentary on the Netflix. I didn't watch it, but I read the caption, and it moved me about bullies and how, you know, we need to stop bullies. So I guess my question, Dan, is what should my character do in this play about dealing with these kids and this bully? All right, I look forward to hearing your thoughts. Thank you, Dan.\n\n**Dan Rodandan:** Well, this sounds like a very relevant play, a play that a lot of people probably have to deal with in their own lives, something universal. But your character, I think, should do whatever the writer wrote in the script. I don't know what kind of director you have. He's going to allow you to improvise or, as I call it, dick around with the author's written word, which is sacrosanct. Especially in theater. If you were like, oh, I'm in a web series or I'm in a movie and I don't know what to do with my character. Then you'd be like, you dick around, you Apatow the thing, you do whatever you want. But because it's a play, I would probably ask the director. And I would also read the script. Duh.\n\nBut, but if this is something I mean personally I've had to deal with this in my own life. There's a lot of people uh uh outside my window who say very bullying things. Give me all your fucking money or I'll murder you or hey you get over here you dumb bitch you don't say a word. Things like that. And you know I think it's I think a non-interventionist stance is usually the best option in those cases. However since the people you're dealing with are say 13 to 45 years younger than the people I'm talking about, I would say maybe go out there and say, hey, hey, kids, I got some cookies for everybody. But before you have a cookie, you have to say something nice about all of your friends here. And then the kid will say something nice. Then they'll get a cookie. And then when it comes time for the bully, maybe he'll say something nice. And maybe you say, not nice enough. Go again. And then he'll have to go through it again and say more nice things about everybody and say, all right, that's closer. But I still think another round of nice things would warrant a cookie. And then when he does it the third time, and he's trying really hard, and it sounds good, you give the other kids another cookie, and you kick him in the sternum so that he falls down and hurts himself. And then he runs home, and he's like, Mommy, this lady. But then when the lady comes and knocks on your door, you're like, why don't you ask these kids? Why don't you ask these kids how their day went? Pretty good. They were all nice to each other and they all ate cookies. Your kid did the same thing. And then he tried to, you know, frame up job. Your kid stinks. And who's going to believe your kid? Because your kid's a bully and everybody knows it. That's my advice. I mean, it's, you know, just off the cuff sort of an idea. Nothing I've ever done before. Nothing I've thought about or fantasized about. Next call.\n\n[voicemail beep]\n\n**Caller:** Hey, Dan. My girlfriend just went to sleep, kind of fell asleep. And I guess my question to you, Dan, is how do you act? How do you act like you're still in love with someone when you're not anymore? Thanks Dan. FYI we're jumping... well for my information...\n\n**Dan Rodandan:** Bubble doesn't help. I don't know what you said there at the end, but your story breaks my heart. How do you act like you still love somebody when you don't? Treat them bad. Oftentimes, people don't love each other anymore. They just try to treat each other well or pretend they're listening or act like what the other person's doing matters. But when you really love somebody, you take it for granted. Take advantage of them. So if you want to act like you love her, you want her to know that you love her, you treat her bad. It's going to feel good. Next call.\n\n[voicemail beep]\n\n**Caller:** Hey, Dan. I called a few hours ago, a few long hours ago, with an acting question. But my circumstances have kind of changed since I left that message. I hadn't heard back from you, but I wanted to call and ask, just kind of sort of, I guess, update my question. How do you act? How do you act like you didn't kill somebody, even if you did? How would I act that way? Thanks, Dan. Thanks for the help.\n\n**Dan Rodandan:** How do you act like you didn't kill somebody? That's a great question. Hopefully you're not the person who called right before, and if you are, hopefully it's unrelated to the previous question, and I'm going to go ahead and answer this question with the positive intent that either you're not the same guy you are or you didn't kill the girlfriend you're not in love with. But uh how to act like like you didn't do it um I would say take a lot of practice looking at yourself in the mirror. You're gonna look at yourself in the mirror. Maybe you'll be disgusted. Maybe you won't. It depends on what kind of psychopath you are. I uh you look in the mirror and if you if the guy looking back at you doesn't bother you, not gonna bother anybody else. So if you get to that point where you're not disgusted with yourself anymore, where you can count to four while you breathe. One, two, three, four. And slow down that heart rate of yours. Probably get away with just about anything. I don't know how to beat a lie detector test, but you don't have to take those. I would say act like you don't know where she is. Be very concerned, put up flyers. Or just take her to my neighborhood and drop her off. People that ask questions are out here. That's the Hawaiian Gardens area of Los Angeles. Next call.\n\n[voicemail beep]\n\n**Caller:** Hey Dan, maybe I'm the one who's confused about how this thing works. I thought that maybe you took calls maybe and answer questions or maybe like maybe call, maybe call someone back or something or sorry if I'm, I don't know how it works, but I've got to kind of ask maybe another acting question kind of urgent. Maybe if you could get back to me soon as you can, maybe we'll just, um, I just wondered how you would act like how a person would like act, act like a native-born Mexican man if he was not one, not really one. You kind of need to know how to act like that as soon as possible. Thank you. Thank you. I'm still camping.\n\n**Dan Rodandan:** Well, first of all, the way that it works is you call my answering machine. The answering machine records your message. It processes it in some internet way. They send it to my iPod Touch as an MP3, and I listen to it, and then I respond to it. I don't know how long ago these calls were made because they seem to come in at random. Some of the ones that I answered a couple weeks ago, well, those were brand new, and some of those were ancient. So I don't know what the internet does to these files and whether it holds on to them until they think I'm ready for them or what. I don't know if it's supernatural or spiritual or just technological, but either way, everything happens in its own time.\n\nAnd again, I'm gonna have to go with positive intent here and hope that this is not the same person who called the past time, who was not the same person who called the first time. Three different people I'm talking to. How do you act Mexican? How do you act like a newborn Mexican? Well, first of all, newborn Mexicans sound like this. Ué. Ué. El weh. Los weh, señor. Weh. More or less. But if you mean a newborn Mexican as in I used to be something else and I'm a born-again Mexican, the way people are born-again Christians or something to that effect. And if you're not a Mexican and you want to appear Mexican, I would say stand outside for a really long time. Just a really good long time. Get a nice deep burn and then when you're burned again get another burn. Get another burn. Just keep burning that skin. Burn it burn it burn it. Because there's a certain look that uh uh homeless white guys have and that's a very you know permanent kind of tan and uh I think you can I mean you could at least pass if you grow a nice big mustache and uh wear wear a hat that covers your face really low.\n\nAnd how to act Mexican. I guess probably work harder than everybody else and get less for it. How to act Mexican. Have all of your land stolen from you by Thomas Jefferson and the Alamo. How to act Mexican. I guess have America's drug problem and America's gun problem. Totally corrupt your police force and government. If you could do any of those things, I think you'd be passing. Next call. No more calls. Okay, well, I thought I had more calls, so I guess I'm gonna wind it up, wrap it up, wind it up there like a little toy, like a wind-up toy, like a dog, like a Dr. Pepper.\n\nDan Rodandan is sort of afraid he's an accomplice to a murder at this point.",
  "paragraphs": [
    "**Dan Rodandan:** Dan Rodandan, Dan, din din, Dan, din, Dan. Dan Rodandan, din, dinner bells, diner, the dinner bell. Welcome to the dinner show, the Dan Rodandan show. Just kidding, everybody. I'm Dan Rodandan, and of course, teaching actors how to act. This is not a cooking show. This is not an eating show. I have not eaten in a couple days.\n\nBut I would like to talk to you today about what it means to call yourself an actor. When are you ready to call yourself an actor? When are you a real man, a man of the boards, walking the boards? When are you a man who's ready to take on any role? When are you ready to do whatever you need to do to get the part? Whether it's committing to a character or committing a crime or committing a sexual act that you don't, you probably wouldn't, not if it was your choice kind of a thing, but what does it take to be an actor in Los Angeles?\n\nIt takes heart, it takes a dream, it takes a skill level, it takes classes. You gotta take a lot of classes, probably with me. If you're around the Hawaiian Gardens area, please sign up. You can sign up by calling 917-214-8DAN, 917-214-8DAN. You can say, hey, Dan, this is, I'll just make up a name. This is Ray Romano, and I want to learn how to do some acting. So this is my schedule, x dot dot dash this or that. And are you free at that time on this or that? And we can meet either at your place or somewhere in between your place and my place. Or if you want to give me a ride, we can meet like at a restaurant if you're paying, or we can, anyway, we can get into the meat of it.\n\nWe can talk about acting. We can talk about singing. We can talk about dancing, fight choreography, gymnastics, and really anything that's on your mind. We can talk about theater or film, or we can talk about your Thanksgiving, if you want.\n\nWe've seen a lot of surfers, or at least a lot of guys carrying surfboards. I don't know if they actually do the surfing or just carry the board. I was thinking I might get my own surfboard or steal one of theirs, walk around Venice Beach, see if I can, see if I can find some nice young surfer girls. Surfer... I mean that's a Beach Boys song I think. Beach Boys are very influential on the Beatles, who had a huge influence on the Monkees, who had a lot of hits. Uh uh uh uh New Kids on the Block had a lot of hits. Chinese food makes me sick. It's a, it's a song lyric from the mid-90s I remember hearing on a bus. This little kid had a boom box and he was playing a little bit too loud. Bet you that kid has hearing problems now. But he played that song probably 19, 20 times in a row just giggling to himself. He's playing a Game Boy I think it was Dr. Mario, which, uh, been a, been a few months since I've been to the doctor. Would probably be a good idea at this point. I have a rash developing. I don't know if it's a rash, but I have a growth developing on the underside of one of my toenails, and it's very uncomfortable to walk around. A lot of people are limping in my neighborhood, I've noticed. A lot of people are limping for different reasons, possibly, that I am, whether it's wounds or diabetes or what have you. But if anybody knows where I can get a cheap or a free wheelchair, please, uh, please call that number. That number again is 917-214-8DAD. And, uh, I guess that's what it takes to be an actor.\n\nWe're gonna take some phone calls now. Taking calls. I got some phone calls. I got the calls. Here are the answers to the calls. C-c-calls, calls, collie calls. Collies are kinds of dogs. Lassie was a dog and an actor and a collie. That's good enough, I think. First call. How are you? What's it like to be you? You can't answer me, but first call.",
    "[voicemail beep]",
    "**Nancy:** Oh, hi, Dan. My name is Nancy. And, well, I'll be honest. My question isn't really an acting question. But I have listened to your broadcast. And I feel like you're very wise and that you speak from your heart. And I just felt moved to see, get your advice on something. But just to play ball, I'll pose it as some theater questions. Here we go.\n\nDan, my name is Nancy. I am in a play about a woman who lives in an apartment and there are these kids who, you know, live in her apartment, you know, block, who play outside of her apartment. And, well, she hears these kids all the time, which is fine. But one of these little kids is a bully. I hear him say the most terrible things to these other little children, and then I start thinking terrible things about this one child, and I just feel awful about it. And I feel like, as the adult woman, the responsible party, that I should be able, you know, to do something about it. You know, I saw that there's that documentary on the Netflix. I didn't watch it, but I read the caption, and it moved me about bullies and how, you know, we need to stop bullies. So I guess my question, Dan, is what should my character do in this play about dealing with these kids and this bully? All right, I look forward to hearing your thoughts. Thank you, Dan.",
    "**Dan Rodandan:** Well, this sounds like a very relevant play, a play that a lot of people probably have to deal with in their own lives, something universal. But your character, I think, should do whatever the writer wrote in the script. I don't know what kind of director you have. He's going to allow you to improvise or, as I call it, dick around with the author's written word, which is sacrosanct. Especially in theater. If you were like, oh, I'm in a web series or I'm in a movie and I don't know what to do with my character. Then you'd be like, you dick around, you Apatow the thing, you do whatever you want. But because it's a play, I would probably ask the director. And I would also read the script. Duh.\n\nBut, but if this is something I mean personally I've had to deal with this in my own life. There's a lot of people uh uh outside my window who say very bullying things. Give me all your fucking money or I'll murder you or hey you get over here you dumb bitch you don't say a word. Things like that. And you know I think it's I think a non-interventionist stance is usually the best option in those cases. However since the people you're dealing with are say 13 to 45 years younger than the people I'm talking about, I would say maybe go out there and say, hey, hey, kids, I got some cookies for everybody. But before you have a cookie, you have to say something nice about all of your friends here. And then the kid will say something nice. Then they'll get a cookie. And then when it comes time for the bully, maybe he'll say something nice. And maybe you say, not nice enough. Go again. And then he'll have to go through it again and say more nice things about everybody and say, all right, that's closer. But I still think another round of nice things would warrant a cookie. And then when he does it the third time, and he's trying really hard, and it sounds good, you give the other kids another cookie, and you kick him in the sternum so that he falls down and hurts himself. And then he runs home, and he's like, Mommy, this lady. But then when the lady comes and knocks on your door, you're like, why don't you ask these kids? Why don't you ask these kids how their day went? Pretty good. They were all nice to each other and they all ate cookies. Your kid did the same thing. And then he tried to, you know, frame up job. Your kid stinks. And who's going to believe your kid? Because your kid's a bully and everybody knows it. That's my advice. I mean, it's, you know, just off the cuff sort of an idea. Nothing I've ever done before. Nothing I've thought about or fantasized about. Next call.",
    "[voicemail beep]",
    "**Caller:** Hey, Dan. My girlfriend just went to sleep, kind of fell asleep. And I guess my question to you, Dan, is how do you act? How do you act like you're still in love with someone when you're not anymore? Thanks Dan. FYI we're jumping... well for my information...",
    "**Dan Rodandan:** Bubble doesn't help. I don't know what you said there at the end, but your story breaks my heart. How do you act like you still love somebody when you don't? Treat them bad. Oftentimes, people don't love each other anymore. They just try to treat each other well or pretend they're listening or act like what the other person's doing matters. But when you really love somebody, you take it for granted. Take advantage of them. So if you want to act like you love her, you want her to know that you love her, you treat her bad. It's going to feel good. Next call.",
    "[voicemail beep]",
    "**Caller:** Hey, Dan. I called a few hours ago, a few long hours ago, with an acting question. But my circumstances have kind of changed since I left that message. I hadn't heard back from you, but I wanted to call and ask, just kind of sort of, I guess, update my question. How do you act? How do you act like you didn't kill somebody, even if you did? How would I act that way? Thanks, Dan. Thanks for the help.",
    "**Dan Rodandan:** How do you act like you didn't kill somebody? That's a great question. Hopefully you're not the person who called right before, and if you are, hopefully it's unrelated to the previous question, and I'm going to go ahead and answer this question with the positive intent that either you're not the same guy you are or you didn't kill the girlfriend you're not in love with. But uh how to act like like you didn't do it um I would say take a lot of practice looking at yourself in the mirror. You're gonna look at yourself in the mirror. Maybe you'll be disgusted. Maybe you won't. It depends on what kind of psychopath you are. I uh you look in the mirror and if you if the guy looking back at you doesn't bother you, not gonna bother anybody else. So if you get to that point where you're not disgusted with yourself anymore, where you can count to four while you breathe. One, two, three, four. And slow down that heart rate of yours. Probably get away with just about anything. I don't know how to beat a lie detector test, but you don't have to take those. I would say act like you don't know where she is. Be very concerned, put up flyers. Or just take her to my neighborhood and drop her off. People that ask questions are out here. That's the Hawaiian Gardens area of Los Angeles. Next call.",
    "[voicemail beep]",
    "**Caller:** Hey Dan, maybe I'm the one who's confused about how this thing works. I thought that maybe you took calls maybe and answer questions or maybe like maybe call, maybe call someone back or something or sorry if I'm, I don't know how it works, but I've got to kind of ask maybe another acting question kind of urgent. Maybe if you could get back to me soon as you can, maybe we'll just, um, I just wondered how you would act like how a person would like act, act like a native-born Mexican man if he was not one, not really one. You kind of need to know how to act like that as soon as possible. Thank you. Thank you. I'm still camping.",
    "**Dan Rodandan:** Well, first of all, the way that it works is you call my answering machine. The answering machine records your message. It processes it in some internet way. They send it to my iPod Touch as an MP3, and I listen to it, and then I respond to it. I don't know how long ago these calls were made because they seem to come in at random. Some of the ones that I answered a couple weeks ago, well, those were brand new, and some of those were ancient. So I don't know what the internet does to these files and whether it holds on to them until they think I'm ready for them or what. I don't know if it's supernatural or spiritual or just technological, but either way, everything happens in its own time.\n\nAnd again, I'm gonna have to go with positive intent here and hope that this is not the same person who called the past time, who was not the same person who called the first time. Three different people I'm talking to. How do you act Mexican? How do you act like a newborn Mexican? Well, first of all, newborn Mexicans sound like this. Ué. Ué. El weh. Los weh, señor. Weh. More or less. But if you mean a newborn Mexican as in I used to be something else and I'm a born-again Mexican, the way people are born-again Christians or something to that effect. And if you're not a Mexican and you want to appear Mexican, I would say stand outside for a really long time. Just a really good long time. Get a nice deep burn and then when you're burned again get another burn. Get another burn. Just keep burning that skin. Burn it burn it burn it. Because there's a certain look that uh uh homeless white guys have and that's a very you know permanent kind of tan and uh I think you can I mean you could at least pass if you grow a nice big mustache and uh wear wear a hat that covers your face really low.\n\nAnd how to act Mexican. I guess probably work harder than everybody else and get less for it. How to act Mexican. Have all of your land stolen from you by Thomas Jefferson and the Alamo. How to act Mexican. I guess have America's drug problem and America's gun problem. Totally corrupt your police force and government. If you could do any of those things, I think you'd be passing. Next call. No more calls. Okay, well, I thought I had more calls, so I guess I'm gonna wind it up, wrap it up, wind it up there like a little toy, like a wind-up toy, like a dog, like a Dr. Pepper.\n\nDan Rodandan is sort of afraid he's an accomplice to a murder at this point."
  ]
}