Dan Rodandan: Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Ha ha! Dan Rodandan! Back from the dead!

Now, I know that Jesus came back after three days with the crucifixion. For me, it's been about a month and a half. Maybe longer. I don't know. I don't know how long it's been since the Oscars. Sort of lost track of time. A coma will do that. I don't know if it was officially a coma, but I did black out. I did lose time, as they say. I don't know if I was abducted by aliens or if I was just beaten mercilessly by my neighbors. But anyway, I'm back. Back in the New York groove. Spoiler alert. You don't know what I'm talking about, but you will.

As you know, I made a bet with some Hispanic gentlemen who were affiliated with a group of other Hispanic gentlemen who gave themselves some sort of street nickname. I don't want to say gang. I don't want to get in trouble with them. Worse. But I made a bet with them. I lost the bet. I didn't have the money. And then I got all unmerciful hell beaten from me. But they did let me live. So thank God for small blessings.

It's been about six weeks since I've talked to anybody via the worldwide internet. The pod waves, as I used to call them. As you know, I used to perform from the Hawaiian Gardens area of Los Angeles. Thank you very much. Aloha. Merry Christmas to you. It was a long journey from Los Angeles to mystery destination. But here I am. I'm here. I'm here. I'm in New York. I'll just tell you. I'm in the big ankle. Why don't you grab your ankles and bite the apple. All those other New York sayings. When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie. That's spaghetti. You know? All those other sayings. You know? Go Cubs!

So I'm in New York now. Took a Greyhound bus there. I befriended a driver because I'm a very smooth talker. And he let me sort of hitch a ride underneath the bus in the luggage compartment. With the dogs and cats. So I had companionship down there. I sort of bonded with them. It gave me a time to work on my TM. Right? David Lynch has a whole website about Transcendental Meditation. So I was down there. And I was just trying not to think about how hot it is in Nevada. And eventually I made it to New... is he going to say Mexico? New... is he going to say Hampshire? New York. That's right. New York City, baby. Well, sort of. New York City adjacent, baby. I'm in Queens. I got a one-week sublet. So far. It gave me enough time to look for more. Uh, uh, uh. Options out there. Um.

I came during the right time of year, though. I mean, it would not. It wouldn't kill me to be homeless. It is nice out. As much sex as you want in the park, I hear, late at night. So that's... that's another bonus.

I'm here with a guest. The guest is my current roommate. I am subletting for a guy named Roy Ripskin. And, uh, he was a... he was a nice enough fellow to put something up on Craigslist and say, hey, any of you dickheads need a place for a week? Give me 90 bucks. I... but yeah. I read that under the bus and I thought, god damn, that's my lucky day. And now I'm here with Eddie Crispins. Eddie Crispins, my current roommate and, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, aficionado del Nuevo York. Uh, that's... uh, you... you are... are you Mexican?

Eddie Crispins: Yes. Yes, I am Mexican.

Dan Rodandan: You are a Mexican who lives in New York.

Eddie Crispins: That's right. That's right.

Dan Rodandan: Tell me more about that.

Eddie Crispins: Well, I'm here specifically with you because you said you had cash for me.

Dan Rodandan: Yes, $90. $90 for one week's lodging.

Eddie Crispins: That's right. You wrote me a check.

Dan Rodandan: Oh. Um... I'm sorry. That was a prank.

Eddie Crispins: Yeah.

Dan Rodandan: Oh, I have the money. I have the money, I promise. I just... I'm a little bit tired right now. So let's do a podcast instead and then I'll get you your money after that.

Eddie Crispins: You told me to come here for the money.

Dan Rodandan: Yep. I told you to come here for the money. One for the money. Two for the show. So now it's time for the show. This is the show. It's called Dan Rodandan, teaching actors how to act. I am Dan Rodandan. You are Eddie Crispins. And we are live on the podwaves.

Eddie Crispins: Do you make money from this? Is this how you make money?

Dan Rodandan: Uh, I... I mean, it depends on how long, uh, long... uh, there's... there is a plan in place, uh, that eventually, uh, this is gonna make sense. This is gonna make sense for me as a...

Eddie Crispins: Well, you've got until the end of the week.

Dan Rodandan: Great! That's fine! That's what we agreed to. The end of the week? That's plenty of time. That's plenty of time for a man to make a buck in the, in the, uh, in the city of broken dreams... city of golden dreams. So, what do you do?

Eddie Crispins: Uh, I'm... I'm a delivery man.

Dan Rodandan: So you deliver the goods.

Eddie Crispins: I deliver whatever needs to be delivered.

Dan Rodandan: Yeah. I'm an actor. I'm an acting coach. Acting teacher.

Eddie Crispins: Do you make money at that?

Dan Rodandan: Oh! You bet!

Eddie Crispins: Will you make $90 by the end of this week?

Dan Rodandan: I have $90 already.

Eddie Crispins: Okay.

Dan Rodandan: I promise. But, but if I wanna, you know, I, I gotta think long term here. Sure, I'm sitting pretty. I'm in the catbird seat for a week. But, uh, uh, after that, what am I gonna do? Now, you are a New York local, a New York native. A man, a man about the streets. The five boroughs. How does an actor get his start on the island? An actor? An actor or an acting coach. How do they get their start on the island? Have you seen performances? Tell me about all the... this is the land of theater. Tell me about what you've seen. What kind of performances you notice out there as the man on the street is just a blue-collar slob out there rutting around in the dirt.

Eddie Crispins: Well, you know, there's, there's the obvious ones like, you know, the Broadway shows and the musical and off-Broadway or whatever. But what I see more often are the street performers.

Dan Rodandan: Oh, you see the buskers out there busking around or the guys banging on pots and pans saying, me, come to rock around, to rock around.

Eddie Crispins: That's right. You know we're tricky. Something like that. But it's more like guys beating pots and pans on the sidewalk. Kids dancing on the subway.

Dan Rodandan: Oh, kids dancing on the subway?

Eddie Crispins: Yeah. Asking for money. You know, it's kind of more annoying than anything.

Dan Rodandan: Well, do you think they have, do you think they have any kind of representation? Representation. Do you think those kids dancing on the subway, do you think they have any kind of representation? Like, like an agent?

Eddie Crispins: Like an agent or a manager or a dream weaver or whatever they, you know, whatever those kind of kids need.

Dan Rodandan: A mentor, a big brother, a big sister, a big, uh, big, uh, a Dan Rodandan.

Eddie Crispins: I think if they had anything like that, they probably wouldn't be on, on the subway dancing for pennies.

Dan Rodandan: I don't think it's pennies, son. I don't know who carries pennies, son. Uh, uh, uh, uh, you give pennies to somebody that insults them. I think these kids are maybe getting ones and fives. You know, I saw a guy, he was playing a tuba. His cheek looked deformed because he was playing that tuba so hard. One cheek was huge. It looked like he, well, either way, he looked like he could be a star in a different arena based on that cheek of his. But, uh, uh, uh, uh, he had a, he had a, uh, a captain's hat full of gold coins.

Eddie Crispins: Gold coins?

Dan Rodandan: Sacagawea dollars. That's right. He was right outside the post office. You know, that's how they give you the change. This kid had a racket.

Eddie Crispins: Yeah, well, I'm not familiar with anything like that. I don't know if I can really contribute to, uh, to something like that.

Dan Rodandan: So you're telling me these kids on the subway who are doing their dance, they do not have a manager or an agent or anything like that?

Eddie Crispins: I really doubt it.

Dan Rodandan: Somebody to be made there. Uh, so Times Square. That place, that's, that's, that's another place where there's a lot of folks, a lot of foreign folks, a lot of people who think that, uh, uh, uh, go to New York and spread the body. Am I right?

Eddie Crispins: What, what kind of accent were you doing there just now?

Dan Rodandan: That, I, actually, I was not doing an accent. I was speaking Portuguese.

Eddie Crispins: I don't think that's Portuguese.

Dan Rodandan: I want to speak the body.

Eddie Crispins: Yeah, I don't think.

Dan Rodandan: Hello, can I speak the body?

Eddie Crispins: That's not Portuguese at all.

Dan Rodandan: That's how you say it. That's how you say, hello, I'm, I'm very friendly, nice to meet you. That's how you say it in Portuguese. I speak the body.

Eddie Crispins: Did you say you got beat up by some Hispanic gentleman back in California?

Dan Rodandan: I sure did. And isn't it amazing how, how, how, how I can show that I am not a racist by moving in with one?

Eddie Crispins: Are you calling me racist?

Dan Rodandan: Am I calling you Hispanic?

Eddie Crispins: Well, I, I am Hispanic. I'm Mexican.

Dan Rodandan: Right, so I'm right.

Eddie Crispins: You're the one who's racist. You're being a little offensive right now.

Dan Rodandan: Well, I appreciate the fact that you said only a little bit because I do not, I do not know how to regulate that. I'm a guy who speaks his mind. You know, I'm old school. I'm Clint Eastwood. You gook.

Eddie Crispins: You can't talk like that around here or you're going to get hurt. It's going to happen to you again.

Dan Rodandan: What's going to happen to me?

Eddie Crispins: Someone's going to beat the crap out of you.

Dan Rodandan: Is it going to be you?

Eddie Crispins: It might be.

Dan Rodandan: Why?

Eddie Crispins: Well, for one, I don't have my $90 yet.

Dan Rodandan: Well, it's not the end of the week yet. You want to get on with your show?

Eddie Crispins: Yes, sir, I do.

Dan Rodandan: Why don't you go on with your show then? All right, Eddie. You give me advice about acting. You give me advice about performance. You give me advice about not getting beat. Let's do like a crack or a BuzzFeed list or something like that. One of the top five things a performer needs to know when he's performing on the street in NYC. Help me out, dog. What is a street performer? What is a street top five things a street performer needs to know to survive out there these mean streets?

Eddie Crispins: Well, I guess you've got to know your audience. The street performers cater to a lot of tourists, so the locals don't really give much money to the street performers. So you've got to know where the tourists are.

Dan Rodandan: Sure.

Eddie Crispins: Times Square, subway, you know.

Dan Rodandan: Like Subway sandwiches.

Eddie Crispins: No, not the Subway sandwiches. Like in the subway.

Dan Rodandan: So go to Times Square.

Eddie Crispins: Yeah, that'd be a good place to go. You could perform as one of the characters, like a Disney character or a *Sesame Street* character.

Dan Rodandan: I could be Aladdin.

Eddie Crispins: Probably not. Usually they're like in a costume that covers your face, which I think would be helpful. There's a lot of guys dressed as Elmo.

Dan Rodandan: A lot of Elmos?

Eddie Crispins: Yeah, you could be Elmo.

Dan Rodandan: But didn't Elmo fuck those kids?

Eddie Crispins: You could be Big Bird.

Dan Rodandan: I could be Big Bird. I don't know if I'm tall enough to be Big Bird. What about Grover?

Eddie Crispins: You could do Grover.

Dan Rodandan: What is he looking? Is he green? Which one's Grover?

Eddie Crispins: He's the blue one. Not Cookie Monster. He's like a skinny blue one.

Dan Rodandan: Grover, is he a Muppet or a *Sesame Street*? Gonzo has the chickens. There's Gonzo and Grover. They're the same guy, right?

Eddie Crispins: Yeah, why not? Yeah, I think he's a *Sesame Street* guy.

Dan Rodandan: Hey, you know what? You kind of look like Ernie from Bert and Ernie. If I get myself a Bert haircut, would you go out to Times Square with me and we can walk around with our sweaters and everything? Hold hands and sign autographs?

Eddie Crispins: I have a job, so no, I'm not going to do anything like that.

Dan Rodandan: Are they hiring?

Eddie Crispins: No. Not no.

Dan Rodandan: Dan Rodandan is really hoping for the best. He made a big chance. He made a big choice and took a big chance.