Episode 4 · Dec 18, 2012 · 23:01

Method Actor Eddie Yondles

Dan's first studio guest in weeks: method actor Eddie Yondles, originally from New York, now in Rancho Cucamonga. Auditions, Hawaiian Gardens, and the Method.

Show
Teaching Actors How to Act
Host
Dan Rodandan
Published
December 18, 2012
Length
23:01
With
Eddie Yondles

Transcript

Full transcript of Teaching Actors How to Act episode 4, hosted by acting coach Dan Rodandan.

Dan Rodandan:

Everyone, I'm Dan Rodandan, and this is Teaching Actors How to Act. Thank you. That was me, Dan Rodandan, your host, with a guest, if you can believe it. I know it's been a couple of weeks since I've had a second person in the studio. Mostly it's just been me and either telephone calls or the darkness.

And I just wanted to really just explode with positivity here today because I have a very close friend, somebody that I met at an audition this evening. Go ahead and introduce yourself.

Eddie Yondles:

Hello, podcast world. My name is Edward Yondles, originally from New York City, now residing in Rancho Cucamonga.

Dan Rodandan:

Rancho Cucamonga.

Eddie Yondles:

Just a hop, skip, and a jump away from you.

Dan Rodandan:

Yep, just me here in the Hawaiian Gardens area of Los Angeles, where another murder took place about three nights ago.

Eddie Yondles:

Did you know the man or woman?

Dan Rodandan:

I didn't know the man or woman who was killed. However, I have a suspicion about who did it.

Eddie Yondles:

Wow.

Dan Rodandan:

Not going to say anything. Always an episode around here.

Eddie Yondles:

Always a story.

Dan Rodandan:

Speaking of episodes, you've done episodic television, is that correct?

Eddie Yondles:

I've not, no. Thank you for bringing that up. I recently botched a very, very, very high stakes audition as the third lead in a sitcom.

Dan Rodandan:

A sitcom?

Eddie Yondles:

Yes.

Dan Rodandan:

It stands for situation comedy.

Eddie Yondles:

Situation comedy.

Dan Rodandan:

Botched means that you blew it.

Eddie Yondles:

I did. I did. It was...

Dan Rodandan:

There's got to be a great Hollywood story behind that.

Eddie Yondles:

You know, I parked my car, walked right up in there. I said, hey, I'm New York City born and raised. I'm a city boy. I'm ready to make my dreams happen out here. They said, here's your lines. Whenever you're ready. I had a panic attack and I had to leave.

Dan Rodandan:

I had a panic attack and I had to leave. Now, when you have a panic attack, what does that look like?

Eddie Yondles:

I get very red in the face and my eyes dart around the room as if I'm looking for something. I don't know what I'm looking for, but I sure as hell can't find it.

Dan Rodandan:

Yeah, for me it's more of like a body convulsion crying gag, sweating. Love it. Maybe diarrhea kind of thing.

Eddie Yondles:

No, more of an upper body, more of a diarrhea of, I guess they just call that vomiting.

Dan Rodandan:

Yeah, sort of going the other way. Regurgitation. A little bit of northbound traffic. Oh, coming at you. Hey-o, on the 405.

Well, anyway, we met today at an audition.

Eddie Yondles:

We did.

Dan Rodandan:

You were leaving.

Eddie Yondles:

I was.

Dan Rodandan:

I was entering. When I saw you leave that audition, you had a look of determined on your termination. How do you say that word?

Eddie Yondles:

I was determined.

Dan Rodandan:

You were determined.

Eddie Yondles:

Yes. I was determined to leave as fast as I could. I was very upset.

Dan Rodandan:

You had the eye of the tiger and the thrill of the fight.

Eddie Yondles:

I had one of those.

Dan Rodandan:

Well, I saw both in you, whether you knew it or not.

Eddie Yondles:

Thank you.

Dan Rodandan:

So I thought, I'm going to follow that young gentleman, because clearly he has just booked this thing. And what am I going to do, waste the rest of my day here? Yeah. Talking to these casting directors who clearly made their decision.

Eddie Yondles:

Well, it's really flattering, but I definitely did not book that one.

Dan Rodandan:

Well, we'll see.

Eddie Yondles:

Okay.

Dan Rodandan:

I mean, time will tell.

Eddie Yondles:

Yeah, they told me to leave.

Dan Rodandan:

Yeah, they told you to leave because thank you, everybody. We're done. Everyone can go home, I'm sure.

Eddie Yondles:

I wish they were that kind.

Dan Rodandan:

So what, I understand that you brought some copy with you today.

Eddie Yondles:

I did, I did. I am mostly a commercial actor. I auditioned for commercials, and I take it very seriously.

Dan Rodandan:

Right. So what are some commercials that some of the listening audience may remember you from?

Eddie Yondles:

Oh, well, I was a grocery boy in a Boost Mobile commercial.

Dan Rodandan:

Wow, Boost Mobile.

Eddie Yondles:

Yes, very fine phones. I was a guy on couch in an ad for Miracle Whip.

Dan Rodandan:

Miracle Whip, that is the alternative to mayonnaise, is that correct?

Eddie Yondles:

Not for me. I think mayonnaise is the alternative to miracle. The opposite.

Dan Rodandan:

That's a company man if I've ever seen one.

Eddie Yondles:

Yeah, thank you very much.

Dan Rodandan:

Yeah.

Eddie Yondles:

I booked neither of these. I'm sure they have the tape somewhere of me auditioning for these.

Dan Rodandan:

There is tape of you.

Eddie Yondles:

Yes. Selling these products. Digital video tape. Whether it was just seen by casting directors or theatrical directors or the manufacturers themselves, I cannot say for sure.

Dan Rodandan:

It's hard to know.

Eddie Yondles:

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that one of these days they'll blow the dust off of these tapes and look at old Eddie Yondles.

Dan Rodandan:

Yep. I don't know if you're just like me where you've heard the phrase, we're going to hold on to this and if there's something in the future, we'll let you know. I hear that very often. Over and over again because the future is always happening with that phone. Waiting for it to buzz, buzz, buzz.

Eddie Yondles:

Yep.

Dan Rodandan:

I guess there's always more future.

Eddie Yondles:

So yeah. So I thought we could use this opportunity as like I could showcase my skills, what I've learned over my years of acting and auditioning. And I thought we could also, you know, maybe I could get some feedback from the great Rodandan school of thespianism.

Dan Rodandan:

Well, I have to say that I am flattered.

Eddie Yondles:

Yes.

Dan Rodandan:

And I am excited. Pleasure's all mine. I am close to aroused.

Eddie Yondles:

Don't start with me.

Dan Rodandan:

I'm just kidding. You know me. You know how I like to joke around.

Eddie Yondles:

Sure.

Dan Rodandan:

Anyway, so you have some copy.

Eddie Yondles:

I do.

Dan Rodandan:

Which is official.

Eddie Yondles:

This is, yes. Advertising script. I took these from the voiceover booths that I was auditioning in.

Dan Rodandan:

And just to be clear, they ask you to leave those for the next people coming in.

Eddie Yondles:

Oh, sure. They have copies.

Dan Rodandan:

I know they have copies of the copy.

Eddie Yondles:

Sure. But I like keeping them for my records. Little keepsakes, little mementos, and they're great for practice, too.

Dan Rodandan:

Mm-hmm.

Eddie Yondles:

Mm-hmm.

Dan Rodandan:

So let's go ahead and delve into some of this stuff.

Eddie Yondles:

Sure. I'd love to.

Dan Rodandan:

We'll hear what this copy sounds like, your interpretation of it, and the ways in which you entered and left those auditions, and then we can sort of get a few tips and tricks.

Eddie Yondles:

Well, you'll notice in my reading that I'm a very method actor. I enjoy...

Dan Rodandan:

What does that mean?

Eddie Yondles:

I love disappearing into a role. Like the Daniel Day-Lewises, the Christian Bales, the Jared Leto in that movie where he played Mark David Chapman. The Dane Cooks.

Dan Rodandan:

What movie did he do?

Eddie Yondles:

He was in the one with the guy who he had sex with the girls and then they'd all get married.

Dan Rodandan:

Sure. Oh, Good Luck Chuck.

Eddie Yondles:

Yep.

Dan Rodandan:

Yeah. That was a far reach for him.

Eddie Yondles:

I like to...

Dan Rodandan:

I understand that a few of his ex-girlfriends are not yet married.

Eddie Yondles:

I would...

Dan Rodandan:

Hey, none of my business. I like that. It's a liberal point of view. It's a liberal attitude. And this being California, I think you're fitting right in as a New York boy. None of my business, hang loose, as they might say here, right? Hang surf. I mean, surf ten in the bedroom, far be it for me.

Eddie Yondles:

Forever, yes. Well, so you'll notice here, like this first one, for example, this is a Home Depot spot called Swim. I'd like to imagine myself as maybe a 30 or 40-something suburban dad.

Dan Rodandan:

Yeah.

Eddie Yondles:

Reaching across the fence to his neighbor, telling another suburban dad about a tip that's going down at the local HD.

Dan Rodandan:

I already feel like I'm that dad.

Eddie Yondles:

You already feel like?

Dan Rodandan:

Okay, well, let's see if this does anything for you.

Eddie Yondles:

It's called Swim by Home Depot.

Dan Rodandan:

Action.

Eddie Yondles:

Here's how to swim in money. Step one, go to the Home Depot now through August 31st and get 10% off all appliances of $399 or more, including Energy Star-qualified washing machine. Step two, wash your clothes. Not only will you smell better, you'll cut energy costs up to $60 and save enough water to fill three swimming pools. Step three.

Dan Rodandan:

Step three.

Eddie Yondles:

Try not to drown in your savings. The Home Depot. You can do it. We can help.

Dan Rodandan:

You know, there's a lot in there.

Eddie Yondles:

So much.

Dan Rodandan:

There's a lot in there that I think is very important. I like the safety message. Don't drown in the savings. I like the community message of you can do it. We can help. I like the three swimming pools worth of water that you can save.

Eddie Yondles:

I forgot to emphasize the three on that.

Dan Rodandan:

Well, I think you hit it pretty well. It was sort of a psychological way that you did.

Eddie Yondles:

It was understated.

Dan Rodandan:

It was very, um, well, you know, in these ads there's really no time for understatement. I think I just, I don't know. I honestly, uh, I, I have no notes. I'm very impressed.

Eddie Yondles:

Thank you.

Dan Rodandan:

I feel like you hit the post.

Eddie Yondles:

Thanks.

Dan Rodandan:

I feel like you hit your mark, and god damn it, I'm gonna go to Home Depot before August 31st. I'm gonna buy myself an Energy Star appliance, and how much am I gonna save? Enough to drown in. Watch your kids around water this year. Thank you very much. And what did you do when you left that audition?

Eddie Yondles:

That was a tough one for me because they were not impressed. So I, I, I tried, I tried reading the copy one more time before they kicked me out.

Dan Rodandan:

They didn't kick me out.

Eddie Yondles:

They didn't kick me. I was, I was, I was asked to leave.

Dan Rodandan:

Yes.

Eddie Yondles:

Too many times, uh, to feel comfortable enough to...

(Alarm)

Eddie Yondles:

Sorry, guys. That's, uh, it's my alarm. Time to take the...

Dan Rodandan:

You've got a Hollywood big shot over here.

Eddie Yondles:

Yeah, Hollywood big shot with a prescription of Prozac.

Dan Rodandan:

Hollywood big shot. Time to take the donuts. Where's your helicopter, Hollywood big shot?

Eddie Yondles:

Where's my helicopter?

Dan Rodandan:

I appreciate you. I appreciate your sense of humor.

Eddie Yondles:

Limousine.

Dan Rodandan:

Limousine is a longer car that celebrities ride around in. Hollywood big shots ride around in those.

Eddie Yondles:

Yeah.

Dan Rodandan:

Speaking of Hollywood, I'm not a bi-coastal big shot, if anything.

Eddie Yondles:

That's right. I am bi-coastal. I admit it.

Dan Rodandan:

You live on two coasts, you work on two coasts, and the only big shots I hear come out of guns in my neighborhood. But, uh... that was a weird joke.

Eddie Yondles:

It's hard. It's not always good to make light of gun violence, but that was called for.

Dan Rodandan:

Thank you. That was very appropriate. I loved it. I appreciate your sensitivity, your manhood, and the way that you read copy.

Eddie Yondles:

This is just a positivity fest.

Dan Rodandan:

It's a festival of positivity, much like a jazz festival, which we have coming up here in a couple of months.

Eddie Yondles:

Oh, keep me posted on that.

Dan Rodandan:

I'm gonna let you know when the jazz festival comes around.

Eddie Yondles:

Thank you.

Dan Rodandan:

Do you have a particular jazz, uh, musician that you enjoy?

Eddie Yondles:

Charles Mingus.

Dan Rodandan:

Mingus. It's a fun word to say.

Eddie Yondles:

Sure, yeah, it is.

Dan Rodandan:

So let's, let's hear some more copy.

Eddie Yondles:

Okay. This one's for V8. The juice. The vegetable drink.

Dan Rodandan:

You could have had a V8.

Eddie Yondles:

Those people.

Dan Rodandan:

Yes, actually, that could have had a V8.

Eddie Yondles:

That's basically the entire...

Dan Rodandan:

There are more words on that page than you could have had a V8.

Eddie Yondles:

Yes, but you said that better than I was going to say that.

Dan Rodandan:

Well, let the listening audience be the judge of that.

Eddie Yondles:

All right, so for this role, I had to disappear into a V8 drinker, the soul of a V8 drinker. It wasn't easy because I don't like V8.

Dan Rodandan:

What does it mean to disappear into the soul of a V8 drinker?

Eddie Yondles:

I was trying to find empathy for someone who would enjoy V8 enough to identify themselves as a V8 drinker. I don't identify myself that way. I find V8 to be nauseating. But in preparation for this role, I drank many, many bottles, large bottles of V8 over the course of two days.

Dan Rodandan:

Did you feel any health benefits?

Eddie Yondles:

I guess you could call it a cleansing.

Dan Rodandan:

That's probably the least graphic way to say that.

Eddie Yondles:

I appreciate that. Okay, so this one doesn't have a title. It's just titled V8.

Dan Rodandan:

I guess we could call it Untitled.

Eddie Yondles:

For unsurpassed fruit and veggie nutrition, V8 V-Fusion. Could have had a V8. Can I try that again? I just want to...

Dan Rodandan:

You don't have to, but you can.

Eddie Yondles:

I know you're being nice right now, but that was...

Dan Rodandan:

Am I being nice or am I being fucking impressed?

Eddie Yondles:

No, that was honestly... I know what that sounded like.

Dan Rodandan:

Yeah, I know that's not your best, but...

Eddie Yondles:

I was honestly...

Dan Rodandan:

You want to go again? Give it a shot.

We're all counting on you.

Eddie Yondles:

For unsurpassed fruit and veggie nutrition, V8 V-Fusion. Could have had a V8.

Dan Rodandan:

Well, you took a big breath. There it goes. I heard a big breath. I knew something was coming.

Eddie Yondles:

I had to cough and I didn't want to.

Dan Rodandan:

Let's try it again. Let's go for strike three.

Eddie Yondles:

Hold on. You hear that?

(Siren)

Dan Rodandan:

I did.

Eddie Yondles:

Just another day. And they don't stop here. They just go by. They never stop here.

Dan Rodandan:

Which makes me not feel good about paying my taxes. But go ahead.

Eddie Yondles:

For unsurpassed fruit and veggie nutrition, V8 V-Fusion. Could have had a V8.

Dan Rodandan:

Whoa. Whoa. Don't yell at me. I'm sorry, but, uh, where are my socks? They've just been blown off. The way that you said could have had a V8 in that loud voice. Say it again. Give it to me one more time.

Eddie Yondles:

Could have had a V8.

Dan Rodandan:

No, the way you did it before. I know you.

Eddie Yondles:

Could have had a V8.

Dan Rodandan:

Oh, I'm not feeling good about it. Well, I'll tell you what I feel about it. I feel like going to local Circle K or AM/PM or whatever else is around here, whatever's closest, because I'm scared, and getting a V8, because thank you. I need to start taking my diet seriously. I need to start taking baby aspirin. I'm not a young man anymore.

Eddie Yondles:

I didn't book that one, obviously.

Dan Rodandan:

Why do you think that is?

Eddie Yondles:

I don't know. I don't know what they want out of me.

Dan Rodandan:

Can I give you a little piece of advice?

Eddie Yondles:

Please do.

Dan Rodandan:

Don't apologize in the middle of it.

Eddie Yondles:

Did I do that?

Dan Rodandan:

You were thinking about it. I could see it in your eyes. Your face looked like an apology. Your voice sounded wonderful.

Eddie Yondles:

I wanted to apologize before I said it.

Dan Rodandan:

I was very impressed, but somehow you were backpedaling. That's the thing. Treat these as a seduction. These casting directors are beautiful ladies. Or whatever you're into. And you want to close the deal with them. You've made love before, right?

Eddie Yondles:

Don't be silly. Of course I have.

Dan Rodandan:

Perfect. I knew you had. I just wanted to let everybody at home know.

Eddie Yondles:

I don't think this is appropriate for an acting podcast.

Dan Rodandan:

So when you make love, what is the first step?

Eddie Yondles:

I refuse.

Dan Rodandan:

What's the first step?

Eddie Yondles:

Yeah. Well, I assume it would be taking your clothes off.

Dan Rodandan:

Well, maybe meeting her or him. I mean, the very first step. We don't have to go all the way back to waking up and brushing your teeth.

Eddie Yondles:

Is there some game you're trying to win here?

Dan Rodandan:

No, the point is, you are ready to do it even before you're even close to taking your clothes off. You have an endgame in mind.

Eddie Yondles:

I don't like being made a fool of.

Dan Rodandan:

Nobody's making you a fool. You are acting like a fool, but I'm not making you a fool. If there's a fool in the room, a fool makes himself.

Eddie Yondles:

You're right.

Dan Rodandan:

You know what you are? You're a man.

Eddie Yondles:

I'm not a good man.

Dan Rodandan:

But you're afraid like a boy. Don't think like a boy. Think like a man. Take charge. Read that copy. And do me a favor. Seduce me with it.

Eddie Yondles:

For unsurpassed fruit and veggie nutrition, V8 V-Fusion. You could have had a V8.

Dan Rodandan:

How did that feel?

Eddie Yondles:

It felt bad. I feel like I'm doing something I don't want to do. I feel like I'm being forced into a situation.

Dan Rodandan:

When was the last time you felt like that?

Eddie Yondles:

I was hit by a car and dragged 40 feet across the ground a few weeks ago.

Dan Rodandan:

A few weeks ago?

Eddie Yondles:

Yes. I was unscathed, but I was dragged by a vehicle.

Dan Rodandan:

Must have been frightening, right?

Eddie Yondles:

It was terrifying.

Dan Rodandan:

So what happened? You got hit by the car.

Eddie Yondles:

I got hit by the car. My jeans ripped off of my ankles, and then the car sped away with my pants.

Dan Rodandan:

So you were standing there, pantsless.

Eddie Yondles:

Yes.

Dan Rodandan:

In the middle of the street.

Eddie Yondles:

Yes.

Dan Rodandan:

Were you wearing underwear?

Eddie Yondles:

Yes.

Dan Rodandan:

Were they soiled?

Eddie Yondles:

No.

Dan Rodandan:

Good. That's a good start. What kind of underwear were they?

Eddie Yondles:

Boxer briefs.

Dan Rodandan:

Boxer briefs, what color?

Eddie Yondles:

Red.

Dan Rodandan:

Red boxer briefs, like Michael Jordan, from the commercial. That's a win. Did anybody see you?

Eddie Yondles:

Plenty of people saw me. It was on Vine.

Dan Rodandan:

Were they, did anybody try to help you?

Eddie Yondles:

One of those guys dressed like a Spider-Man. Like, you know, the homeless people.

Dan Rodandan:

Oh, yeah, I know. The ex-cons who dress up to make change.

Eddie Yondles:

He tried helping me, but there was nothing he could do.

Dan Rodandan:

Nobody had spare pants?

Eddie Yondles:

Not the Spider-Man. Why would... no.

Dan Rodandan:

How'd you get home?

Eddie Yondles:

Took a cab.

Dan Rodandan:

Was your wallet in the pants?

Eddie Yondles:

Yes.

Dan Rodandan:

Was that an awkward conversation?

Eddie Yondles:

I ran into my house, grabbed some extra cash, and gave it to him.

Dan Rodandan:

And he was okay with that or was he upset?

Eddie Yondles:

It took him a minute to convince him to trust me. Because I had to run up to my apartment and run back down to the cab.

Dan Rodandan:

Did your roommate let you in?

Eddie Yondles:

There's a key under my mat. I live alone.

Dan Rodandan:

Live alone. I know that game. How do you fall asleep at night?

Eddie Yondles:

Often in my desk chair.

Dan Rodandan:

Looking at the internet? Do you have a computer?

Eddie Yondles:

I do.

Dan Rodandan:

What do you look at before you go to sleep?

Eddie Yondles:

The visualizer for iTunes. I'm usually listening to a podcast and watching the visualizer.

Dan Rodandan:

Who do you like to listen to?

Eddie Yondles:

I like, well, I like Marc Maron's podcast. I like, I can't believe we got to this.

Dan Rodandan:

You want to stay here tonight?

Eddie Yondles:

No, I really can't. And I feel like you're asking that out of pity. I feel like you don't actually want me here. Plus, I'd feel like you don't have room for me with all these magazines.

Dan Rodandan:

We have a lot of magazines in here. But I also have stuff to make s'mores. You want to make s'mores with me?

Eddie Yondles:

Do you have an electric oven? You don't even have a...

Dan Rodandan:

Well, I have a... what you would call a George Foreman grill.

Eddie Yondles:

You can't make a s'more on that.

Dan Rodandan:

I'd love to see you try. You'd probably make a huge mess every night failing to make a s'more. If I show you and it works, will you stay?

Eddie Yondles:

Why do you want me to stay so bad?

Dan Rodandan:

You sound like you need a friend, and I'm willing to be that. You don't get a lot of these offers, do you?

Eddie Yondles:

Absolutely not.

Dan Rodandan:

So, what are you fighting me for?

Eddie Yondles:

I have a hard time trusting people.

Dan Rodandan:

Well, I have never hurt anybody.

Eddie Yondles:

Could you say that again?

Dan Rodandan:

I have never hurt anybody.

Eddie Yondles:

Okay. You know, for an actor, that was the least convincing thing.

Dan Rodandan:

I've never hurt anybody.

Eddie Yondles:

There's no way you can say that.

Dan Rodandan:

I've never hurt anybody.

Eddie Yondles:

Have you ever been in a relationship? I'm sure that it's ended in you hurting someone.

Dan Rodandan:

That's a tough question, relationship, because that could mean so many things. Have I had...

Eddie Yondles:

Have you had a meaningful, emotional, physical, and just overall mutual relationship with a significant other that...

Dan Rodandan:

Well, who honestly can say that they've had that? I mean, your parents?

Eddie Yondles:

Yes.

Dan Rodandan:

Your parents?

Eddie Yondles:

Both dead.

Dan Rodandan:

Right? No relationship there, except with the worms. My parents.

All right. You know what?

Eddie Yondles:

I'm just going to read this Dunkin' Donuts copy, and then I...

Dan Rodandan:

Please do. And do me a favor. Knock it out of the park, will you?

Eddie Yondles:

Okay. Can you do me a favor? And if I do this really well, can I cut this out and use it on my reel?

Dan Rodandan:

Yeah, of course.

Eddie Yondles:

Hey, it's me, White Chocolate of...

Dan Rodandan:

Cool, we'll be cutting this one out.

Eddie Yondles:

All right.

Dan Rodandan:

No, I'm just... I'm sorry. Go ahead. Go ahead and start over. I know there's a lot of cat hair in this apartment, even though I don't have cats.

Eddie Yondles:

What is with that?

Dan Rodandan:

It's just... I don't know. It's just residual, I think. I think there are cats here when I leave the house. I think they come in through the window.

Eddie Yondles:

You gotta close the window.

Dan Rodandan:

Well, then when I come home, it's like 109 degrees in here. I have a heater I can't shut off. Laugh at me about it.

Eddie Yondles:

I don't want to.

Dan Rodandan:

Just read your Dunkin' Donuts copy.

Eddie Yondles:

You may know my more famous cousin, Chocolate. He used to get all the big jobs covering strawberries one minute, icing cakes the next. I've just been doing small gigs to pay the bills, covering pretzels or filling Easter Bunny molds. Dunkin' Donuts gave me my big shot. Now I'm... my phone is ringing off the hook. But who has time to... I'm just going to work right through the...

Dan Rodandan:

Don't comment on it. Just keep going.

Eddie Yondles:

Who has time to do any Valentine's Day candy when you're the hottest cup in town? Well, introducing me, the new white hot chocolate from Dunkin' Donuts. Who's delicious? I am.

Okay, now I feel like that was bad. I feel like that was a terrible read for many reasons. First of all, I, I was thrown off by having a conversation about, among other things, my dead parents and my lack of relationship.

Dan Rodandan:

Do you need an inhaler?

Eddie Yondles:

I don't know.

Dan Rodandan:

Just cat hair? Some water?

Eddie Yondles:

The magazine dust and the cat hair. The fact that...

Dan Rodandan:

Some of that's flavor dust for my Doritos, too.

Eddie Yondles:

Your Doritos?

Dan Rodandan:

Yeah, I make my own Doritos. Here. I call them Doritos.

(Chewing)

Dan Rodandan:

Play the music.

(Theme music)

Dan Rodandan:

I don't want to admit it, but... Dan Rodandan... Eddie Yondles. You get the final word, go ahead.

Eddie Yondles:

Am I not allowed to talk anymore?

Dan Rodandan:

Yeah, you get the final word. Go ahead.

Eddie Yondles:

Bill O'Reilly. Go ahead.