Episode 32 · Feb 5, 2014 · 12:43
MTV's Ratfished
Love is in the air as Dan meets young Rebecca BMW to discuss her dreams of becoming a Hollywood actress -- that is, if her plans for becoming a Yarn Queen fall through. Dan gets more than he bargained for.
- Show
- Teaching Actors How to Act
- Host
- Dan Rodandan
- Published
- February 5, 2014
- Length
- 12:43
- With
- Rebecca BMW
- Also
- plain text · JSON · RSS
Transcript
Full transcript of Teaching Actors How to Act episode 32, hosted by acting coach Dan Rodandan.
Look at my war paint. Wah-ha! I'm a Comanche. I'm an Indian. I'm just kidding. It's still me, just Dan Rodandan. Normal Dan Rodandan. Not Village People style or John Wayne style or anything like that. But I drove by some interesting street art. And by I drove by, I mean I rode by because I'm allowed on the bus again. Thank you.
And I rode by and I saw what looked like, what's his, the Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger? Him with Indian paint on and then a swastika in the middle of his forehead. I didn't know what the message was, but it got me thinking about the indigenous people of this area and how connected we all are to each other as human beings. And speaking of connecting with human beings, Valentine's Day is approaching.
And there's nothing better than connecting genital to genital with a human being on that day. Speaking of Valentine's Day, I actually have, and this has only happened, I think once before, a female in my apartment.
Hi.
Usually I introduce you before you speak, but no hard feelings?
I'm sorry.
Already apologizing. I'm in the driver's seat on this one. I'm excited.
You are in the driver's seat.
Yeah. Barnes and Noble's been good. And wouldn't you know it, I met our lovely guest. I saw her there. She's a fresh-faced young girl looking at the magazine section. I was going there to look at the tattoo magazines because sometimes there's nudity and they don't always put a wrapper on them. I probably shouldn't have said that in front of her just now.
Anyway, she was looking at a bridal magazine and I noticed that she was not wearing a wedding ring. And, well, you know, that's my kind of afternoon. So, welcome to the show. What's your name? What are your interests? What brings you to the Hawaiian Gardens area of Los Angeles? Give me a breakdown because mostly we just held hands and walked back to my place, sort of whimpering.
Okay. Well, my name is Rebecca BMW. I like the car. And I am a Scorpio and I am really interested in looking for friends. And I really like using my hands to make clay sculptures. And I am a really good, fast reader and listener.
You're a fast listener.
Yeah.
That means you process information correctly when it comes in for the first time. You don't have to think about it. You don't take a pause when somebody asks you a question. You immediately understand. You have an answer. You're ready to go.
Yeah. It's also like, I don't know if you've heard it, but it's like also I can kind of like understand what you're about to say before you say it.
You know what I'm going to say before I say it. Before you say it. Oh, my God. I'm sorry. You definitely proved your point.
But I also feel like there's a ghost in here. I don't know why. They're not related. But I got that same feeling when I saw the devil in my window. I was, well, I came here actually by mistake. Not to this home, but to California.
Ah.
I kind of wanted, at first I wanted to make yarn. And then I didn't succeed. I didn't succeed.
You didn't succeed at making yarn.
It's actually like a really insular community. It's cliquey, huh?
You know, I've heard that story so many times how I accidentally ended up in California.
Yeah.
A lot of them are from the oral history, sort of from the Oregon Trail, where they took a wrong turn.
Yeah. Hit the ocean. And they were like, that's good enough.
And is that sort of the...
Oh, I don't... I mean, I really wanted... I thought of myself as a Colorado girl.
Oh, up in the Rockies.
Up in the Rockies. And then, you know, that's where a lot of the yarn makers community is.
Yeah.
And then they... turns out just, you know, sometimes when there's a big group of girls and they don't... one of them chooses not to like you for some reason. It's like everyone turns.
It catches on.
It does. All of a sudden, you're a social pariah.
It catches. Did any event occur that sort of sparked this? Or were you... you just walked in. You made a couple of the first wrong moves. You pissed on somebody's shoes. Then all of a sudden, it was...
I don't piss on anybody's shoes.
It's sort of a metaphor.
Oh.
You don't step on Superman's cape. You don't piss into the wind.
Oh. Or onto some mean girl's shoes.
Yeah.
I don't know. I guess I just, you know, I was a little bit promiscuous in my youth. And then I... it's weird. There's... in the yarn making community, there's this like... there's these different titles. And there's a yarn king and a yarn queen. And then there's like a yarn bureaucracy.
There's a yarn bureaucracy.
Yeah. Sort of a...
So is it... they have their own parliament sort of as well. But sort of a figurehead king and queen.
Yeah. And then also another legislative body.
Yeah.
And I got into a relationship, mostly physical, with the yarn king. And I didn't realize that he was involved with somebody higher up. I'm not going to mention names because I know...
There's somebody higher up than the king?
No. I'm sorry. It's very... it's almost painful to talk about it.
Are we going to get into the yarn pope territory?
There... there's no yarn pope.
Right.
Yeah. And anyway, so then I had to move out of the state. And I decided to go to California because I always dreamed about making it in Hollywood after... that's my second dream after becoming a yarn maker. And I just...
You wanted to be a yarn maker? And then if that didn't work out, you wanted to be a...
Hollywood actress.
Hollywood actress.
Yeah. And then I... I... now I'm getting older. Not too old, but I'm getting older tonight.
Well, we all are slowly over the course of time.
Yeah. And I was... sometimes I... well, I met you and I was looking at the brides. It's embarrassing, but I love their pretty dresses.
I do too. I do too.
I had a dream of making a whole dress of yarn that I made myself.
Now, what would that dress look like? Tell me about that dream.
Well, it's funny you ask because I... I dreamed about someone asking that. And it's like... it's all knit with this beautiful... it's like a silky yarn. You can only get it in certain stores. And it's... it's an off-white. And it's very stretchy around the bust to give you lots of room for dancing.
Oh.
And then it gets very slender in the torso because... I don't know if you noticed, but I have an unusually slender and long torso.
I did notice that. I was going to ask you whether or not you had a few ribs removed or not. I didn't know if that was appropriate.
It isn't. I mean, it is. I'm flattered.
Sure. Yeah. Dolly Parton did it. I mean, why not?
Yeah. I did. I did have a...
You had a couple ribs removed.
Yeah. I feel like I've known you my whole life.
I do, too. How old are you?
I'm 19.
You are getting older.
Yeah. You are getting older. How old are you?
Uh, you know, I'm hanging in there.
Okay. You're only as old as you're willing to admit that you feel. Well, I actually... I guess I feel 19, but I'm... I'm... well, truth be told, I'm 16.
But you feel 19.
Yeah. I always have felt like an old soul.
Yeah.
Um... and you teach acting classes for a lot of people, a lot of successful people, like Jennifer Aniston.
Oh! I haven't worked with Jennifer Aniston in particular. Not specifically Jennifer Aniston. I've taught a couple of girls named Jennifer.
Or Dave Coulier.
Dave Coulier. Dave Coulier. Uh, no, I have not... I have not given any instruction to Dave Coulier. However, I have... you know, to tell you the truth, I... I don't know if I can say that I haven't given any construction to Dave Coulier. Instruction to Dave Coulier. Because he and I were in an audition together. We were in an open audition together.
Are you okay? You're... there's a vein popping out of your neck that leads up to your forehead.
I... yeah, it's just... it's a... I mean, that's just sort of a reaction to the... to the... the speed at which my heart is beating.
You're turning white.
I'm... I'm... Dave Coulier, he... he and I were up for the same role. I went first. He went second. He did what I did, but only more so. I...
Do you want me to put my hands on your face?
Uh... I didn't know that that was a possibility, but right now I definitely want that.
I'm gonna do it.
Better?
Yeah.
Uh... infinitely better.
I had a godmother back in Arizona when I was seven years old who told me I had the healing power of a goddess. Athena.
The healing power of Athena?
Yeah.
Sixteen-year-old girl with no ribs. The healing power of Athena. It has been a good week for Dan Rodandan.
Hey, Dan Rodandan.
Yes?
Um... why don't we take this a little bit more physical?
Let's take it more physical.
Yeah. Do you know what I mean?
I don't. Will you spell that out?
Um... listen. What I'm gonna do right now is I'm gonna... if you say yes in the next ten seconds, I'm gonna take off all my clothes and then I want you to touch me in the place that my rib used to be.
Where the rib used to be?
Yeah. I'm gonna give you ten seconds to...
How much time do I have left?
You have eight seconds.
How much time now?
You have six seconds, Dan Rodandan. Try to build the suspense.
How much time do I have?
You have four seconds, Dan Rodandan.
And now?
Do it right now, Dan Rodandan. Do it right now.
Yes.
All right. Yes. Thank you. Dan Rodandan, you are under surveillance. Hate to break it to you, but you have been ratfished. Been ratfished. You are on MTV's Creepy Dudes Hitting on Young Ladies.
Well, you are on Acting Coach Dan Rodandan, teaching actors how to act.
No, Dan. No. There's secret cameras here with me. My locket is a camera. And you've actually been ratfished. That's when you catfish, but the person's in person.
So what you're telling me, is that everything that just happened is gonna be on television?
Yeah, it's gonna be on television. And it's not like you're gonna get arrested, but you should be really embarrassed.
Oh, I'm so embarrassed. I'm super embarrassed. Is there a... what can I... do I sign something, a release, to make sure that this goes on?
Yes, you have to sign this release right here.
Ladies and gentlemen, we have our first video podcast. It's gonna be airing on MTV. Big break. Big break. And the name of it for this particular episode is not gonna be Acting Coach Dan Rodandan, teaching actors how to act. It's gonna be called MTV's Ratfish. And do you know the air date on that?
It's gonna be in February.
February. End of February? Middle of February?
End of February.
End of February.
I'm really sorry. I really did like you a little bit.
That's all right. I like you too. And this actually has worked out better than I thought it did. I thought I was just gonna have sex with an underage girl. I am gonna be on television!
It's like a really popular show.
Is it?
Yeah, it is. If you want to know numbers, I'm making $400,000 right now.
You're making $400,000?
Yeah. I'm the host of the show. I'm actually 11.
You're 11 years old?
Mm-hmm.
My God!
I was in Free Willy 5. And then after that I didn't have a lot of jobs coming to me, and then I got this just by some miracle.
Is there any chance that you could connect me with your agent or...?
No, I'm sorry. I really can't do that. But you should really put yourself out there. It pays off.
I'm trying. Believe me, I'm trying. Trying. I put myself out there, and a lot of people have put themselves in there.
What?
It's just tough to... what do you do? It's tough for a man my age to sleep his way to the top.
I think I have to go.
Dan Rodandan is going to be on Ratfish! Can I get a copy of this for my reel?